Storyshift

I started this AU in autumn 2022 when I was on my mental low. At that time, I discovered that I was autistic. I was very overwhelmed by that fact and spiraled into a severe mental breakdown, which caused me cutting short the majority of my social contacts for a period of time. I needed a way of self-expression. That's how my adaption of this AU was born, where I was free to occupy myself by writing and drawing. I finished the script of the true pacifist route in January 2023 and couldn't be prouder of myself, despite this AU not being my original one. However, for me, this is my first step into the right direction and even gave me hope for becoming an author one day.

As an autistic person who grew up in a conservative, performance-oriented, middle class environment, life has been hard for me for the majority of my life. It was always expected for me to perform like a neurotypical being and I was used to mask my autistic traits to gain the appreciation and affection people from other families usually take for granted. Since Covid 2020, I am struggling with additional mental health issues and I still keep fighting everyday, trying to embrace my autistic self the best way I can do.

When I was younger, approximately twelve years old, I attempted of writing and publishing my first novel in german. I even attempted writing several novels at once. I showed my work in progress to my Mom and she basically said: "You're autistic. You can never become an author, because autistic people can't put themselves in other people's shoes, nor can they comprehend empathy or feelings. And if you keep writing your 'books', I take this as a personal offense and I will do anything in my force to sabotage your ambition." I am not exaggerating and even though I am grateful for the things my parents provided to me, I wouldn't tell any lies. As a twelve-years-old, I was of course appalled by my Mom's words. Being used of constantly being demonized as an autistic person, I believed her words and gave up my works.

For a very long time, I refused to write anything. For a brief time around 2018 and 2019, I wrote a few My little Pony fanfictions, however immediately felt guilty about it, constantly thinking about "nobody would read my writings anyway". The words of my Mom still haunted in my mind. In 2020/21, I attempted some other short works, but soon aborted them due to the shame. I believed her that autistic people cannot become writers until 2022, the point where I believed I was no longer autistic, that I was a neurotypical person.

My Storyshift adaption is my first fanfiction which I proudly finished in my entire life with the age of 19 and for me, that's incredible, although I'm still afraid of publishing it anywhere, since I don't have any copyrights on Storyshift. That's why I created this website, to let people see my work, both my artworks and my writing. To let anyone who's interested scroll through this website.

Thanks to the #ActuallyAutistic community of Instagram and Twitter, I could finally let go of my Mom's incorrect and toxic words and I am finally proud of embracing my authentic autistic self at my fullest, without feeling any shame of doing so. Because I know, autistic people can become writers.